You need to go to that school. It's just three years, then you can do whatever you want. You need to go, or you'll not have any money or apartment. You need to go. School. Three years. Go go go. Now.

I am so sick and tired.

From autumn 2009 I'd tried to start some school and graduate from somewhere. Two vocational schools I've suspend. One paid school I failed. One preparing school. Always lots of absences. I've always just failed with schools. And I hate failing. I always just let everyone down. Betray everyone.

But I don't want to. I'm so sick and tired with schools. Always saying "of course I will", but always failing. I've already wasted three years. I just don't want to do this anymore. I wanna end this. I wanna stop going to school and really do something. But from Finland, it's almost impossible get any job. So what I could do then? I don't know! I really don't know.

I don't have motivation to go school. And I just can't force myself! I can't do what I don't wanna do. But I don't wanna fail. I just don't know what to do with this! If I just could do even one year something I really want, maybe I could find some passion and motivation to go school again. Maybe I could find something that really interests me!

I'm just lying to myself and others when I do this. I don't wanna do this anymore.

[ I´m... not kinda sure if it is really good idea to continue that school
it seems to be killing you every day
and I can feel it by myself
I sense the dropping of your mood every day since you started the school... ]